Top 10 Signs Your Capoeira Group is Like a Jealous Lover

29 04 2008

Are you in a healthy relationship with your capoeira group? We’ve all been there: you miss a class or two, and suddenly it’s all “Where have you been?! Why haven’t you been training?!” You find yourself constantly accounting for why you couldn’t make this workshop or that roda, and once in a while it gets to the point where you feel like calling up the doctor for a note or two, just in case. I’ve never noticed this before, but thanks to an astute and mercilessly sharp-witted, non-capoeira friend of mine, it hit me that sometimes one’s capoeira group can really seem like a jealous lover.

Love and Capoeira

Is your capoeira group a little too attached to you for comfort? Here are the top ten signs to look out for!

10. Your friend tells you your capoeira group is like a jealous lover.

9. They get upset if you’re late and demand a reason why.

8. They demand to know where you’ve been if you haven’t seen each other for a day.

7. They try to become the centre of your world, or act as if they are (and get upset if you act as if they’re not).

6. They are possessive and don’t like you being friends with potential/imagined “rivals”.

5. They are constantly suspicious of the intentions of “other” friends and friendly strangers.

4. They try forbidding you from seeing those they are most suspicious of.

3. They are always trying to affirm or retain your fidelity even if you have not shown any signs of being otherwise.

2. If one thing happens or you do one thing that seems to suggest the slightest sign of infidelity, they (a) overreact and (b) never let it go.

1. They automatically assume that every minor break, dispute, or more (or any) time spent with “other” friends means you want to or should break up, and their suspicions and paranoia only ever end up sabotaging the relationship…but somehow, you still can’t help loving them!

Now that you know the warning signals, it’s up to you to decide if everything’s going strong, or if it’s time for a break and some space. Just remember that no matter what happens, at least capoeira itself is one love that will never die!

Picture source: http://ladynina.files.wordpress.com/2007/06/capoeira.jpg

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12 responses

30 04 2008
Balanca

OMG, this is so funny! I was just making the same comparison with a friend this weekend!
I had heard of an instructor who, when one of his students missed a class or roda, wouldn’t talk to him or her for two weeks thereafter(!)

30 04 2008
Daria

So, true! One of the many interesting facets of capoeira!

30 04 2008
Joaninha

Hahah Balanca…wow…I know, sometimes you miss a roda, and they take it like you deliberately did it to hurt them! XD

Lol Daria…interesting…or…”interesting”… 😛

1 05 2008
faisca

I get this all the time. If I run into someone from my group outside of class, it’s not “Hey Faisca, how are you!?” It’s “Hey Faisca, why the hell haven’t you been in class!?”

1 05 2008
cenoura

Wow-I’ve never gotten any of these that badly, though if I miss a few classes I will get e-mails that ask “are you dead?” but there are some things that I’m pretty sure would be taken as “cheating”-i.e. there’s a student at the university that wants to set up a subgroup of his organization, and came to our class asking for signatures to show interest(you have to have enough students interested to get funds for a club). Nobody signed, and I at least really didn’t want to(not too fond of the way he’s described his group) but I did get a sense of a “test” there.

3 05 2008
Joaninha

LOL Faisca…classic!!

Hehehe Cenoura…yeah some of my teachers if someone’s away for a bit and come back, will go, “Look, it’s a ghost!”

Wait, a student from another capoeira group wanted to start a branch at the uni, so he went to your group for signatures? I suppose that kind of makes sense though…since none of you would be joining his group anyway, as you already have yours. What do you mean by a “test”, though? Of the guy who wanted to start the club?

5 05 2008
cenoura

well, the feeling-and it was never said as this, so I could just be over dramatizing it-was that anyone who signed the petition to start another group was choosing that group over ours. it was a test of the current members-we weren’t told not to sign the petition(and I think since it is a uni group, if anyone tried to say that as a condition of membership there’d be trouble) but I think there would be suspicion of anyone who did. but yeah you also have a point-a bunch of people who have a group are probably not the best candidates to sign up for a new group.

19 05 2008
Belle

I needed this! I also read Faisca’s related article ‘Can there be too much of a good thing with Capoeira’ which I enjoyed and related too!

This reminds me of someone with a really bad addiction. They are always trying to pressure you into doing it because if you do it, it is easier to justify doing it themselves and then they won’t feel so guilty. Addicts hate it when their friends take care of themselves only because they are unable to do so themselves!

So they are jealous when you miss a roda or class because you need to take care of other things in your life, whether it is your health or family or catching up with a friend who you haven’t seen for a long time only because they wish they could to!

Or maybe they have just been involved with Capoeira for so long that they can’t imagine anyone actually having such close friends that are not capoeiristas.

I think Capoeira is fantastic and I love it. I would love for all of my friends and family to experience it but I would not like them to experience that pressure or guilt.

19 05 2008
Joaninha

Hi, Belle!

I’m glad you liked this article =) I just read Faisca’s post, which I enjoyed too, and they do go together!

That’s really interesting what you said about “addicts” pressuring their friends, I’ve never thought of it like that before. As a corollary, I wonder if we could also say, “Friends don’t let friends get drunk…on capoeira!”

I have to say though, that in most cases it’s probably just that they’ve been into capoeira so much that it’s just become natural to them, rather than “excessive”. Although I do know people who have only capoeira friends, as well.

I think that’s what we’d all like! Some pressure is okay I think, since that’s how people get motivated, but capoeira groups do go over the top with it sometimes. Again…it’s all about finding the balance!

Thanks for commenting!

11 06 2009
Koala

oi Joaninha

very very true! especially # 1!

hahahahah

5 11 2009
Jenny

Hey, so heres a question, whats the thoughts about training with more than one group? Basically I don’t want to leave the group I’m with, BUT I want to up my training to twice a week and its not run twice a week in the city I’m in. I can travel to the one next door where my teacher runs another group but the train ticket costs more than the session! There is another cheaper and closer school in my city, I’ve met the instructer at someone elses batizado and he’s lovely. its on a diffrent day so i could train once with my original school and once with him, hey presto training twice a week! What does anyone think etiquette wise….. reckon I can train with him too?

19 07 2012
How to Capoeira

Guess that really depends on your group and how receptive or open minded they are. If they are uptight as the ones described here. I’m guessing you should either switch school completely or just stick with one session.

Capoeira Moves

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